Ace Diversity — Naomi

Welcome to my blog, today I have an Ace Diversity blog for you! This is number 3 of the series.

Ace Diversity is a blog series where I let other asexual people share their stories to show how diverse the asexual community is.

Today I have the story of Naomi.

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​Hello! My name is Naomi, {She/her} and I am from East Los Angeles, California. I am currently 25 years old as of this writing, and have identified as aromantic and asexual since I was 17. That’s a long time, isn’t it? It sure seems like it is. Nearly 10 years of having words to describe how I have always been. Nearly 10 years of exploration and explanation. Nearly 10 years of making everything up as I go.

The thing is, I never had many issues before coming out. I’ve written about this before in other spaces, so I’ll give a quick overview and leave it at that for the sake of my poor, keyboard-tired fingers.

In short, I never had parents or friends who pressured me. Sure, there were awkward moments and mean people, but it never felt directly related to sexuality. Sex and romance were things that existed, but were not directly relevant to my life. In other words, I fall hard into the “isn’t that just in movies?” camp. Truth be told I still find it hard to believe people have sex. Just... really?? Seems hella weird. But I think I’m losing the narrative here, so let’s get back to it.

All of my struggles and hardship have come after I realized I was aromantic/asexual. After I realized I do not experience romantic nor sexual attraction, and I do not desire romantic nor sexual relationships. I will say that I more recently have realized I am heavily gay oriented. I experience strong queer platonic attraction and am not interested in the slightest in men, so it goes without saying that my experience of the world does not fit everyone. And that’s ok.

When I first started accepting my identity, I felt such panic over categorizing things and urgency over what being aro/ace MEANT. How would it impact my life beyond the definition of “does not experience X.” What did it mean for my friendships? What did it mean for my future? In many ways, I still do not know. But when I look back at 17 year old me compared to now, I see so much growth. And that’s what I want to talk about.

When I first realized I was aro/ace, there were so many things that suddenly seemed not possible because, culturally, those things are for romantic partners only. Whether language or actions, I was not allowed to use those words or do those things. Being in love, OUT. Having a partner, OUT. Going on dates, OUT. Writing heartfelt letters, OUT. Buying random gifts, OUT. The list goes on. What if I did something and people thought it was weird? What if I said something and people thought there was romantic intention behind it? I got so caught up in how things should be, I did not consider what they could be.

In the past I saw rigid lines between platonic and romantic. I was convinced that certain things would never be for me. In the years that followed I slowly found confidence in myself and, albeit sometimes wavering, certainty that what I feel is important. Now those lines are blurred, and in that blurriness I have found such freedom. Freedom to describe my feelings with the same intensity as anyone else. Freedom to think of my relationships as equal. Freedom to ask for more.

I may not have found everything I am looking for, or even know exactly what that is in the first place, but I do feel more at ease with not having all the answers. The way I treat myself and my relationships is from a much more inclusive and fluid point of view. I am able to discuss with my friends things that I need and meet them halfway. I buy flowers and write poems for them. I talk about finding people attractive and describe my feelings as being in love. I don’t care if random people know what I mean or not. To me, in my reality, there is nothing bigger or better. So why hold space in my language and actions as if there is? I say I’m in love because I am, and I make my moments with people something special.

What I want most for aspec people is for us to find the same joy in our identity as other queer folk. And what I want most for allo people is to understand that the current structure and hierarchy of platonic vs. romantic vs. sexual is damaging to them as well. So many people are starved for love and kindness not because those things are hard to find, but because people look for those things only in significant others. We are all searching for compassion, care, and comfort. I hope we all find those things. Inside and outside of ourselves.

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First, I want to thank Naomi for sharing her story!

You can find her on twitter {@IndieElgible}

Do you want to share your story?

The images below explain how to send in your story..

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If you send in your story but regret it, you can always ask me to not post it or if it’s online you can ask for me to delete it. You’ll also see what the blog will look like before I upload it. If you have questions, you can contact me through social media, the chat on my site or my email.

Thank you for reading this blog,

you are acesome.

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I hope to see you back next time,

♤ The Ace Mind — Joëlle ♡

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*This specific blog was written by someone who sent in their story, it was checked by The Ace Mind team.

*Blog Written by Joëlle AKA The Ace Mind

*I am not a professional, the things I write are pulled from my personal experiences or external resources.

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