Yay, it’s time for the first Ace Diversity blog!
Ace Diversity is a blog series where I let other asexual people share their stories to show how diverse the asexual community is.
Today I am sharing the story of Sandra, 19 from Poland.
TW: sex, masturbation
 | Hi! My name is Sandra. I’m 19, currently using she/her pronouns (although I’m still questioning my gender identity). I’m from the most homophobic country in Europe, aka Poland ❤ |
How do I identify?
I identify as heteroromantic asexual, but it is that way because I have only ever felt romantic attraction towards men. For me personally, it’s really hard to distinguish between romantic and aesthetic attraction, that’s why I’m unsure If I have ever felt romantic attraction towards someone who is not a man.
Being ace
In my experience being ace is not feeling sexual attraction towards anyone, but as we know, asexuality is a spectrum, so it varies from person to person. I myself use the micro-label “aegosexual” which for me is getting arousal from watching hentai/reading it (porn disgusts me), having sexual fantasies, but it never involves me, I’m always a spectator “watching” an act while masturbating to just let go of sexual tension coming from libido.
Sex and libido
When it comes to sex, I would say I’m sex-neutral — I don’t care if it is a part of a relationship as long as there is not too much of it. It may have to do something with my extremely low libido, but there are asexual people with a high libido who have a similar view on sex, so it doesn’t really matter. I personally have had sex, and it’s not something I need to live happily.
Stereotypes
When it comes to stereotypes, I am breaking a lot of them, including ones about asexuals. I am not sex-repulsed, and I’m not aromantic (for some reason many people think ace people are also aro, which is true but only for part of our community). Maybe there are more that I have not heard of or cannot think of them right now.
Questioning my own sexuality
When I first heard of the term “asexual” a few months ago I was like “yay, a new term to learn about, so I can be more educated on people’s sexualities”. The more I read, the more it sounded like myself. I did more research and after all those “Am I ace?” quizzes, I have come to the realization that I may be asexual. Despite the signs being there for my whole life, I still had a weekly questioning session with myself thinking I was doing it all just for attention (yeah, whose? LMAO, nobody knew) or that maybe I was just straight because I had a boyfriend and had sex with him. Fortunately, I have joined different groups on Facebook for ace people and learned that not all aces are sex-repulsed and that my experience is completely valid. I’m not any less ace, just because I had sex, and It does not repulse me.
Coming out
My coming out was definitely a process. As much as I thought I didn’t really feel the need to come out, I kind of wanted to do it, so that people important to me could understand me and my actions better. I have decided to give subtle hints like changed icons in my IG bio to create the ace flag, send a Snapchat with the ace flag as a background. But the more I became certain of my asexuality, the more I wanted to come out even though I’m heteroromantic (I think). At first, I wanted to send them a PowerPoint with a voiceover (I saw this idea on one of the groups or on Pinterest, I’m not sure) but one night I just broke down and decided to Snapchat a bunch of messages to two people I trust. I know It doesn’t change anything for them, but I felt like I was a bit more vulnerable with someone (and if considering my trust issues, that’s a big event). It really felt awesome to be accepted because I can’t really depend on my parents for that. If I was lesbian, bi, pan, etc. It would be fine, but ace not because for them the idea of not needing sex and not feeling sexual attraction would be just a phase. I don’t understand why they have watched “Sex education” on Netflix, there was a bit about asexuals, but I feel like they did not pay attention to this specific segment ☹
Obvious signs
I have no idea why I have learned so late when the signs were there my whole life. Not having a celebrity crush and faking it to be accepted, not having a crush on a boy at school, and faking it again. To try to find if I was in love, I would write on the steamed glass door of our shower things like “I love [insert name]” to see which one looks best. Also seeing sex completely differently from other people, I just thought It was because I’m a very analytical woman, but it turns out I was ace all along ❤
Summary
I think the best summary is saying I’m much happier after finding my true self, and I encourage everyone to try to do it. Understanding yourself is a huge step in loving yourself and a game changer to why you may react to certain things/events in a specific way.
I’m sending lots of love to everyone ❤
First, I want to thank Sandra for sharing her story!
If you want to reach out to her, you can reach her on Instagram, at yoko._.pixel.
Do you want to send in your story?
The images below explain how to do it.
You have a lot of freedom and can always ask me for help.
If you send in your story but regret it, you can always ask me to not post it or if it’s online you can ask for me to delete it. You’ll also see what the blog will look like before I upload it. If you have questions about it, you can contact me through social media, the chat on my site or my email.
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Thank you for reading this blog,
you are acesome.
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The next Ace Diversity blog is coming on March 28th
I hope to see you back next time,
♤ The Ace Mind — Joëlle ♡
*This specific blog was written by someone who sent in their story, it was checked by The Ace Mind team.
*Blog Written by Joëlle AKA The Ace Mind
*I am not a professional, the things I write are pulled from my personal experiences or external resources.
*Proofread and corrected by Rebekah
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